I wrote this post a while ago, when I was having a super tough day. It was a day of struggle, hurt and sadness. In fact, it is fitting I share this post today because it was another tough one this afternoon. Amidst all the chaos, I wondered what my beautiful, sweet, innocent 6 month old must have been thinking with everything going on around him. I think if my son could put into words his feelings today for me, this might be along the lines of what he’d say.
I wish you knew all the things I wanted to say to you, but was too little to say. I tried to tell you with my small sounds, but they didn’t come out the way I wanted to convey.
I wish I could tell you that today I knew you were hurting, and I wrapped my arms around you as best I could. Even though my arms are little, I hope you felt them hold on a bit tighter and a bit longer than usual. I’m not usually the one for cuddles, but today I could tell you needed it, so I tried to give you my best cuddle.
I wish I could tell you that I could see the sadness in your eyes, and my loud cries weren’t from hunger or tiredness, but to share my sorrow of your pain. I was sad too mummy, because I could see you hurting and I wanted to take away your pain. I shed tears only because you had tears too, and I wanted to comfort you the best way I knew how. Please know I wasn’t trying to upset you, but trying to mourn with you out of love.
I wish I could tell you that I knew you felt sick, so I slept a bit longer and stayed a bit quieter today so you could rest. And I wish I could tell you that when I did wake up and cry, it was because I knew you needed that extra cuddle to make it through the day. I wanted to be the first one to see you, to care for you, and to love you that little bit more today.
Mummy, I wish I could tell you that I knew you felt lonely today, so I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to keep you company, so you knew that you would never be alone. I will always be here for you mummy. That is why when you tried to get me to go to sleep, I reached out my hand to touch your face. I wanted you to know I was there for you mummy. I decided not to sleep this afternoon so you had someone with you who loved you.
I wish I could tell you that I love you, more than anything else in this world. You are everything to me, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I wish I could tell you that you’re the best mumma because you are mine. I know there are days when you feel you aren’t good enough, but I wish I could tell you that to me, you are perfect.
I wish you knew that I smile every time I see you because you are my world. When I see you, I see love, giggles, fun times and happiness. You are my mummy, and I love you.
Your son, always and forever,